Why Clive Dunn

Dear...

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I have a hardbound first edition of a leg of lamb. Bit dry and stringy now though. Swapsies?

Is it signed by Hugh Fearnley Malmsteen?

Nope - it's an early model made by Bernard Manning extruding corned beef thru his purulent browneye.

Deary me, that will never do. Possibly useful as some sort of emergency accomodation come the Great Plague. How many rooms and en-suite bathrooms does this leg of lamb have?

You could probably fit a small ottoman in the common area - but its pretty much fully equipped for a family of 6 or so trout to spawn and feed in comfort. Have you got gills?